Felinus Capitalistus Obesitus

A mysterious animal has been spotted in the remote regions of upstate New York. Numerous, recent news reports have quoted witnesses describing it as a large, black cat. Sightings of the creature have been accompanied by confusion and fear. No one seems to know exactly what this fear-mongering feline is, or where it might appear next. 

An ancillary clue to this Manhatten-project like creature, might be found in the recent words of New York's governor, in reference to Rush Limbaugh. The governor was noted as saying that, if he had known his tax policy would have made Rush Limbaugh leave New York, then he, the governor, would have proposed raising taxes long ago. Some may not know that Rush Limbaugh recently stated that he was going to stop doing business in New York, due to the new tax increases that the governor has proposed. The testy governor did not realize that, as a resident, Mr. Limbaugh had long ago left the state of New York for the sunny, tax haven of Florida. 

Herein lies the key to the identity of the Adirondack apparition. Obviously, this fat cat is just that, a Fat Cat. No, it is not Mr. Limbaugh, but similar in many respects. This cat is a Wall Street Fat Cat. Like Rush, this feline has fled the Big Apple, although for different reasons.  What's more, like the Yeti, there have been multiple sightings of them, so maybe there are many of the Abominable Cats.  And perhaps these fleeing, fat cats are trying to avoid being seen, not because of any nefarious crimes they have committed, but because of the public scorn their mere presence evokes.

 In recent weeks, they have heard the term "fat cat" used in all media (both liberal and conservative) with such rage and vitriol, that they have come to an instinctive realization that, the combination of being a cat, and fat, is lethal.  To help their image problem, they now live in state parks and eat out of garbage cans. And, losing all of that fat by near starvation, they might hope to blend in with all other cats. Maybe, returning to open society from a different point of origin, like the woods, no longer fat, but lean and lowly, they will not evoke outrage and hatred of their kind. At least they will be skinny cats. Yet, for now, it is dangerous to be an overweight cat. 

Some of these Garfield look-a-likes may have been chased into the upstate from Conneticut, where recent pitchfork waving, fat cat detectives, found them living in fat cat suburbia. While the Conneticut cats watched from their home windows, tour buses packed with gawking, seething, screaming protestors decried their existence. The cats, unable to disguise themselves any longer as anything other than the grotesue beasts they had become in the public eye, may have high-tailed it for the woods, possibly taking their entire litter with them. So there may be evidence of more than one strain or variety of this species, dubbed, Felinus Capitalistus Obesitus. 

Meanwhile, what of New York City? Will the city miss the Felinus Obesitii? Who will chase away the rats, once the fat cats are gone? Will the rats now run the city? Was this all along just a rat-led conspiracy to get rid of felinus capitalistus, once and for all?   Will the rats in New York City label the fat cat a varmint, declaring an open season on them, and incite the population to hunt them down for extermination to the last one, not only throughout the entire state, but in all places where they seek to escape? Or will they simply be content to allow them refuge in the remote woods of the Adirondacks, as long as they, like a species marked for social darwinian extinction, are rarely seen and heard, until they are all dead and gone? And, do other cats, less fat ones to be exact, even skinny ones, hoping one day to be fat, fear that they too will be next? Will all cats be chased out of the city? 

The Congress of the United States has weighed in on the criticism of fat cats, threatening to expose them to the public, naming names and taking prisoners. Beware if your nomicur sounds like Muffin, Cheesecake, Puffy, Butterball, etc., tipping others off that you are a cat on the hefty side. Even the President has weighed in on sicking the public onto the fat cat, while unleashing the government hounds to the chase. With the most powerful man in the world after you, it would seem that maybe the fat cats spotted in upstate New York are the smarter cats for getting out of Dodge first.