Posted by
Cole West on Friday, April 17, 2009 10:00:00 AM
Bystander on a New York street corner: Hey you! Careful with that pitchfork man, you almost hit me with the end of it!
Bor-dees: I am so sorry, I beg your forgiveness.
Bystander: What a ya doin with that ting anyway?
Bordees: I am from Rossia, and I have come to Amedika to hunt cot....excuse me, katz.
Bystander: What? Are you some kinda nut?
Bordees: No sir, I am official kat-hunter in my kontry. But now there are no more kats. And I heard from your President while he was visiting os in Rossia that there are some really big kats in Amedika. He called them fat kats, and that they leef in Wall Street.
Bystander: Huh?
Bordees: We hanted all fat kats down in Rossia and we only haf few left, but vedy skinny. ha ha ha ha ha!...... But you have many many fat kats! Can you be so kind to point me in the direction of this Wall Street?
Bystander: Somebody oughta get you a staight jacket.
Bordees: Is this a coat needed to hont kats?
Bystander: oh yeah buddy, you bet.
Bordees: Then I must have this state jacket!
Bystander: straight jacket, you idiot, straight!
Bordees: Must I get permeet from state of Noo York for this state jacket?
Bystander: No, the governor of New York will gladly let you hunt fat cats all you want. Why don't you go tell him all about it comrade? He might even join ya.
Bordees: Pravda? Is it really troo? I can hont fat kats in Amedika weeth thee governor of Noo York? Whad a kontry!
Bystander: jeees!
Bordees: Wan question my goot friend. I am vedy confused about your kontry. Why you let so many kats in charch?
Bystander: What?..
Bordees: In charch. You know, your President say fat kats in charch of baunks, auto mobeel kompanees, hos peetals, madiseen, even anirchee kompanies. Why so many kompanies ron by fat kats? Ant your President say they vedy greeedy!
Bystander: Oh I see what cha mean. Tell me something ya big dope. Who runs your companies where you come from?
Bordees: Oh that's easy. Our President ron our kompanies. He took all kompanies from greedy esobeez. Now we leef wanderful, wanderful life in my kontry.
Bystander: yeah I've seen pictures.
(We must leave Bordees and his quest for fat cats for a while. Maybe we can pick it up at a later time).
At another NY corner, a giant screen towers above the street, on which the President of the United States is making a statement.
President of the U.S.: ....and we..uh..do not intend...uh...to allow the policies of the past...uhhh...the same falied policies that gave us the mess we are...uh...in today...uh...to guide this nation...uh....into a brighter future...a future where working Americans...uh...put the fat cat CEO's on notice...your days of greed and irresponsibility...are numbered...uh... as the good...uh...book says...you have been weighed in the balances...and found wanting...
(out of the picture, the voice of R.Gibbs heard to the side of the President: leme hear an amen).
Meanwhile our Bordees turns to a woman watching and listening with him and says: Excuse me plees.
Woman: oh God! You startled me with that thing. What are you...some kind of city worker?
Bordees: Ni.....No, I am hear to hont for kats. I am Bordees. I am looking for street named Wall.
Woman: whatevu...
Bordees: I see you listening to President. He say same thing when he veesit my kontry.
Woman: Isn't he cool?
Bordees: Da... he is vedy cool ...like John Lenin and Beetles.
Woman: (;aughing) hey, your kinda cute...what did you say you're doin?
Bordees: I have come to Amedika to hont kats. Your President jos say, fat kat days are nombered.
Woman: well I have a cat. You betta keep that thing away from him.
Bordees: Why you haf kat?
Woman: well....I dunnu know...ya know...he's my pet...he catches mice and such...
Bordees: catches mice?
Woman: yeah...don't you have problems with mice where you live?
Bordees: Well everybody haf problem with mice...they jos part of life.
Woman: Why don't you get a kat?
Bordees: We keeled most kats. A few left, but vedy skinny and weak.
Woman: Why don't you get a mouse-trap?
Bordees: What thees mouse-trap?
Woman: You know...piece of wood with little spring and metal thingee that slams down on the mouse's head and kills it...you put cheese in it...you neva seen a mouse trap?
Bordees: Oh, excuse me plees, I know of this mouse catcher you speak. We don't need no mouse catcher in my kontry. We have goverment to help with keeling mice. All need ees to call on telephone to depardment of mouse catching in ceety you leev, and they sind official to flat to keel mouse. They com in two, tdrree weeks and no more mouse. Moch better than thees mouse catcher you use.
Woman: whatevu...?
(We leave this scene for a while... we will see wher Bordees ends next at a later time.)